I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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