There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
