I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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