I want to walk on stilts...naked
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
