your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
