We won't sleep together?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
