1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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