Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
