i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
