today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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