I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
