what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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