im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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