3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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