well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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