So drunk, too bad you don't want this
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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