i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
