Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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