if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
