Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
