I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize