so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
