super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
