Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize