so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
