I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
