i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
