i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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