Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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