and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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