I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
