Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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