piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
