Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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