I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
