Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
