Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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