I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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