Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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