I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Do vagina's smell?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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