I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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