We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
