It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize