You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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