I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
