I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
