I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
