Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
