broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
