Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
