Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
