i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
