YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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