you have to choose: penises or morals?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
