Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
