Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize