woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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