Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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