I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
