so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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