either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
