My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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