butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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