The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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