on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize