And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
