Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
