**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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