is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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