Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
