I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
