the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
