i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
