I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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