Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
