I bet he comes in French.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
