just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
