what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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